A Quiet Spot

I’ve spent today pretty much the same way I’ve spent the last couple of weeks. I feel both at ease, and uncertain. Something feels amiss in my life, and I’ve been trying to plug that feeling with a variety of things. I’ve taken up yoga, meditated, tried video journaling, read physical books, watched new TV shows, and dabbled with Buddhism. No matter what I do to distract myself, something just doesn’t feel right. It’s like a piece of me is missing.

At first, I blamed it on me cutting back my caffeine, and then on my displeasure with my job, but I really think it’s not having a place of my own to write.

I have spent some time reflecting on why I started blogging and what it is I hope to achieve out of blogging, and I realize that at its core, it’s an exercise in nostalgia. I create online, because it makes me feel young. It reminds me of those hopeful, youthful days when I sat on the floor and taught myself HTML. I just wanted to connect with people in some way that allowed me to be seen and heard, something I do not get often in my personal life. It’s for both social reasons, as well as creative ones.

Even if there is no audience, I write because I have to. I have so many thoughts and stories racing through my head, that by organizing them in a post allows me to process those thoughts and emotions in a way that I cannot when journaling either by hand or by computer. I put more effort into blogging than my own journaling, much to my chagrin, but it’s just how I work.

I do not know if I’ll ever share this blog. Part of me wants to, and part of me doesn’t. But knowing that it is here to host my thoughts and ideas is comfort enough on its own. I just need a little quiet place to call my own, far away from the hustle and bustle of the active internet.