An Act of Rebellion
A couple of weeks ago, I finally snapped. The pressure in my real-life was mixing with the outrage online and it finally became too much to bear. As my dilapidated attention span ruined my Sunday, I knew something had to change. Around 11 PM that evening, I decided to quit the internet.
Ok, maybe “quit the internet” is a bit dramatic. Unless you are incredibly well off, I don’t see how anyone is quitting the internet these days, but I suppose I should say, I quit browsing. I used ScreenZen to block just about every app that I didn’t need to pay bills, and then I moved the remaining apps or uninstalled them completely. I let my friends know on the RSS Haven that I was stepping away for a bit, and then I did exactly that. I took off my Apple Watch, I shut down my computer and started keeping my cell phone in a drawer. My only connection to the internet was my email and that’s pretty much how it’s been for the past week and half.
The first couple of days were the hardest. I’m still not sure how much the internet factored into that, but I was dealing with some feelings and things got dark fast. I caught myself reaching for my phone while waiting for video games to load or ads while watching Tubi, but after the third day even that passed. For the first time, in a very long time, I was completely disconnected. I wasn’t cheating with my RSS or browsing random entertainment news, I was free of any opinion other than my own.
I’ve spent weekends without getting online, and years ago, when I actually had vacations, I used to avoid browsing for a week at a time, but I don’t think I’ve gone this long, being off-line since 1994 or 1995 and as much as I hate to admit it, I think it’s really doing me some good.
The single biggest improvement that I have noticed is my attention span has seemingly bounced back to where it once was. I struggle less with the paradox of choice, and I find myself picking up books and watching shows I’ve had lying around for years. I don’t spend all of my time searching for that perfect “best” thing to watch or read, I just read and watch TV at random. Last week, I finally read Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption, a novella I’ve been meaning to read for the past ten years. Suddenly, I had found the time and since I didn’t have some random website to check for the twentieth time that day, I sat down and read it.
I’d love to say I’ve spent all my newly discovered free time productively, but that would depend on your definition of productive. I’ve watched more TV, played more video games, and read more books. More importantly, I’ve enjoyed myself more when I’ve consumed media. I’m no longer drawn to my phone between breaks, or lulls in the action, and its really helped me realize when I’m watching something I’m not enjoying. I no longer have a way to distract myself and that has made a big difference.
Prior to this break, I struggled with ruminating about politics and current events often. I’d find myself driving to work in silence, just rehearsing fictional arguments. I think seeing all of the outrage pretty much every waking hour had done a number on me, and I felt compelled to prepare myself for any potential argument that may come along. Well, similar to my attention span, after a few days, suddenly that stopped. It’s kind of like having Fox News on in the background and suddenly, someone turned it off. It’s so much more peaceful in my head now.
My original goal for this experiment was one month of being offline, but if I’m being truthful, I expected to be back online within three or four days. As days continue to go by, and I find myself feeling better and better, I’m starting to wonder just how much the internet was affecting me. I’m fully expecting to use my entire month planned, and I don’t think I can come back and browse the way I used to. I think some serious boundaries are going to have to be put in place, and possibly even some strict time limits. It’s clear that taking on this firehose of opinions and rage bait is not good for me, and maybe I’m just too weak to brush it off. I’m okay with that.
It actually reminds me of David Foster Wallace. I re-watched, The End of Tour last month, and I can stop thinking about what he said about TV and the internet. I feel like it is pretty spot on.
‘Cause the technology is just gonna get better and better. And it’s gonna get easier and easier… and more and more convenient and more and more pleasurable… to sit alone with images on a screen… given to us by people who do not love us but want our money. And that’s fine in low doses, but if it’s the basic main staple of your diet, you’re gonna die.
It’s also made me think about this blog post written by Stephen Fry about a decade ago. In his post, Mr. Fry discusses how in today’s world, an act of rebellion for young people would be to shun what has become the internet. Considering this was written in 2016, and the internet has only gotten worse since then, I think it would be an incredible act of rebellion. To stand up and say, no… I don’t want to be part of that. Keep your algorithms and ads to yourself.
I know I probably sound a bit like one of those No Surf followers, but maybe they aren’t wrong. Maybe the internet is doing more damage than we even know, or maybe, some of us just aren’t cut out for the constant barrage of negativity and judgement. Maybe some of us are just tired of boasting and lip syncing. Maybe, just maybe, it’s just me.